Complicated
by Sailor Elysia
Summary: Usagi has feelings for a certain someone... will she ever be able to tell him?


Guess what folks, it's a first season Usagi/Mamoru songfic!   
-AKA-   
CLICHÉ!   


You may run away now if you are truly frightened. Otherwise, please, read on. Kudos to Ropa and Meredith for helping me actually finish the thing. Song belongs to Carolyn Dawn Johnson. 

  


Complicated 1/1   
by Elysia [ely_chan@yahoo.com]   
PG 

_********   
I'm so scared that the way that I feel   
Is written all over my face   
When you walk into the room   
I wanna find a hiding place   
********_

She wasn't supposed to feel like this. Not about him. After all, everyone else deemed them mortal enemies, so wasn't she supposed to go along with that plan too? 

But now.... 

The butterflies were in full force every time she walked into the Crown Arcade, whether or not he happened to be there. And if he came in after she did, she would hide in the booth or beg Motoki to cram her into some small dark corner. Most of the time he would without explanation, but lately he'd been giving her weird looks about it, so she opted for the booths in the corner of the cafe. 

She didn't have to hide, but with the way things were lately... if he caught one look of her face, he'd know something was up and use it as another thing to taunt her. 

_********   
We used to laugh, we used to hug   
The way that old friends do   
But now a smile and a touch of your hand   
Just makes me come unglued   
********_

Well, yelling at each other and pushing each other around Crown was more like it, but who needed specifics? Certainly not her. And she wasn't about to go out and correct the high and mighty baka. After all, **HE** was a freshman in **COLLEGE**, and she was but a freshman in high school. Such a small difference of four years... it became the void she could never reach across. 

Usagi thought for a moment. They didn't start off as friends at all, but their 'relationship' (if you could call it that) spanned over the last couple of months... she counted back... good grief, they had known each other for a year! 365 days, each of which had its own fight or insult. That was an incredible amount of time to carry on such a petty fight, not to mention all that brainpower used for each retort. Usagi smirked. She didn't think the baka had it in him. 

But then it all changed one day. 

It came without warning, really. She and the baka entered the arcade within minutes of each other, had the daily argument (Motoki once said he could set the clocks by them) and went their own way, he to the counter for his usual cup of coffee, and Usagi to the video games. 

On her sixth consecutive game, her mind began to wander, and for some odd reason, her gaze landed on him. The baka. He was still sitting at the counter, still sipping at his coffee (but it certainly wasn't the first one) and yes, still wearing that infamous green jacket. Sometimes the color of that thing reflected his personality: sour and nauseous. 

How the hell did he wear that thing in 80-degree weather and almost twice as much humidity? Usagi shook her head. Some things were just fated to remain mysteries of the universe. 

She was still watching him talk to Motoki, taking note of both facial expressions, when she suddenly saw a genuine smile break out on his face. She blinked once, just to make sure that she wasn't just seeing things. The baka actually smiled. Usagi didn't think it was possible, but there it was, on his face, for all the world to see. 

It was enough to melt the snow on Mt. Fuji. She'd never seen him that happy, honestly and truly happy. Before now she would've thought it nearly impossible... 

_'Did it ever occur to you that you could be the cause of that smile?'_

Usagi froze. 

There was no way, no how... no, she wouldn't... she couldn't... 

Avoid it. 

"Oi, Odango Atama, what brings you all the way over here?" 

Usagi blinked, trying to gather her composure. Somehow in the midst of all her thinking, she unconsciously got up from the video games and walked over the counter, her gaze still somewhat focused on him. And now he was speaking to her. 

_'Please let him be dense enough not to notice anything different...'_ she pleaded with herself. 

"Usagi-chan, are you feeling all right? Your face is all flushed." Unfortunately Motoki wasn't as dense as the baka sitting next to him. And did he have to point it out for the whole world to see?!? She immediately put her hands on her cheeks. "I... I guess I got into the video game more than I thought," she stammered. 

_********   
It's such a contradiction   
do I lie or tell the truth   
Is it fact or fiction   
the way I feel for you   
********_

Usagi glanced at him from the corner of her eye, but he seemed to be more interested in his coffee cup rather than what was going on right in front of him. Ooh, the things he did were enough to try her very thin patience. 

Why couldn't she just **SAY** it and get it over with? 

_'Because this is Chiba Mamoru I'm dealing with, silly,'_ she reprimanded herself. Usagi looked his way, willing him to return to glance. _'Look at me, baka! Your cup can't be **THAT** interesting! If you're ignoring me on purpose, so help me, I WILL get even.'_

"Anou... I'd better be going, Motoki-onii-san." She tilted her head in Mamoru's direction. "When he's done analyzing the particles of his coffee, tell him NOT to call me Odango." She turned away from the counter, but as she walked away, her foot caught on one of the stools, and Usagi grabbed the nearest thing to break her fall. 

**THUD!**

Unfortunately, the object had not been heavy enough. The stool fell to the ground with a CRASH, and Chiba Mamoru's body fell with it. Sprawled out on the floor, Usagi groaned softly as she looked at the damage. 

This was **NOT** the way she expected to get his attention. 

_********   
It's so complicated   
I'm so frustrated   
I wanna hold you close   
I wanna push you away   
I wanna make you go   
I wanna make you stay   
********_

Mamoru slid an arm around the bruised girl's arm, helping her to her feet. "Daijobu, Odango?" For a moment Usagi had been in heaven, just by his brief touch. She was sorely tempted to take full advantage of the situation and fling her arms around him. But then the dreaded words fell from his lips... and she wrenched away from his touch as if she had been stung. 

"I'm fine," she said woodenly. "You know me, I'm the ditzy klutz. Don't worry about me. I'll be tripping over something else in a moment." With one last look in his direction, Usagi choked back a small sob and ran out of the arcade. 

He sat on the floor, watching her run out. Running a hand through his hair, Mamoru shook his head. _'What in the world was that all about?'_

By now, Motoki had figured out the silent interchange between his best friend and his almost little sister. Being around Reika for this long had sharpened his senses to a point that he knew what was going on. 

And as much as he would enjoy bringing Mamoru up to date on the situation, it wasn't his place to do so. Mamoru and Usagi needed to figure things out before they blew up the arcade. 

_********   
Should I say it   
should I tell you how I feel   
Oh, I want you to know   
But then again I don't   
It's so complicated   
********_

Usagi sat under a tree in the middle of Juuban Park, contemplating hitting her head against the trunk several times. Maybe that was the key to getting these silly notions out of her mind. 

She knew she wasn't supposed to like him. If fate had intended for her to feel this way, then she would have never fought with the baka in the first place. 

Fate must have been laughing its head off right about now. 

But where was the fun in not fighting? Usagi automatically expected the exchange now; same baka time, same baka place, and the same baka always involved. 

_'Suppose I did tell him... would it make any difference?'_

A shake of her head answered her own question. Usagi knew that if she confessed even a tiny bit of affection for Mamoru, she would **NEVER** hear the end of it. And the last thing she needed was eternal torment. She already got that on a daily basis. 

So if her efforts were already futile, why did she even bother trying at all? 

_********   
Just when I think I'm under control   
I think I finally got a grip   
Another friend tells me that   
My name is always on your lips.   
********_

Yesterday never happened, according to Usagi. She and her friends inhabited the café on a daily basis, now that school was out for the summer. But if someone asked her what she did yesterday, she had no answer. 

Yesterday didn't exist. And that was perfectly fine with Usagi. 

She preferred to focus on today anyway. 

But she couldn't quite get into the conversation with her friends. They preferred to talk about the current trends and people from their class. Normally Usagi enjoyed the topic, but today... today she was just distracted. 

A little smile flickered across her lips. No wonder no one had asked if something was wrong. She was *always* distracted. 

"Usagi!" Rei waved a hand in front of her friend's face. "Come back down to Earth or we might talk about you behind your back some more." 

Minako giggled. "Or in this case, in front of her back!" Several exasperated glares were her response. 

She couldn't help but smile at her friends' amusing behavior. They were always like this; but she never expected any more or less from them. That's what made them such close friends. 

"Don't look now, Usagi-chan," Makoto piped up, "but I think Mamoru-san is looking at you." 

Usagi stiffened. Why did she have to mention **him** of all people? She was trying to forget, but thanks to Mako-chan, yesterday came flooding back without permission. 

"He is not," she mumbled, focusing all her attention on her chocolate milkshake. She didn't want him to look at her. He was planning some witty retort, and that would start the fight all over again. 

Mako gave another playful smile. "Well, after you left yesterday, I was talking to Motoki-kun, and he said Mamoru-san wouldn't stop talking about you... what did you do to him after you tripped over his stool?" 

"Nothing... I-I left right after that." 

_********   
They say I'm more than just a friend   
They say I must be blind   
Well I admit that I've seen you watch me   
From the corner of your eye.   
********_

"Well, you must've said something..." 

"Maaaako-chan! You make it sound like he's obsessed with me or something!" Usagi complained. 

The tall brunette wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. "What if he is?" 

This got the others' attention. "Mamoru-san's obsessed with Usagi-chan? When did this happen?" Minako started pressing for the juicy details. 

Usagi was so frustrated that she blew bubbles into the frothy remains of her milkshake. "Mouuuu... don't give them any ideas, Mako-chan. The only thing between that baka and I is a daily fight and at least 20 feet. You've seen what happens if we're any closer than that." 

"Then why is he looking at you again?" 

"Probably because I'm making so much noise, no thanks to you." She whirled around in her seat to prove her point. Several people were looking her way, but as her gaze settled on Mamoru, he was again focused on his current beverage. 

_'Doesn't that man ever do anything interesting?'_

Satisfied with the outcome, Usagi turned back to face her friends, throwing one last look in his direction. This time her whole body froze. 

It was only a split second, but everything stood still. 

He really was looking at her. 

_********   
Oh it's so confusing   
I wish you'd just confess   
But think of what I'd be losing   
If your answer wasn't yes.   
********_

Why, oh **WHY** did he have to look at her? It wasn't even a full head on look. All he had to do was shift the direction of his eyes and Usagi went berserk. 

Even if she managed to make him admit to such things, the day that Chiba Mamoru confessed to such feelings would be the day the entire earth froze over. 

_'Stranger things have happened...'_

Mako-chan had it wrong. He wasn't the one who obsessed. 

It was her. 

That realization frightened Usagi. It was bad enough that she was consumed with their daily battles, now it had come to a point where she needed to see him in order to make the day go as planned. 

It was past the point of obsession. 

Chiba Mamoru, an addiction? 

Usagi laughed, startling her friends who had no idea why she was laughing all of a sudden. But their thoughts were all similar: they never knew what was going on in that odangoed head of hers. 

Bidding a farewell to her friends, she slid out of the booth and on the way out the door, she waved to Motoki and winked at Mamoru, making the most of the previously embarrassing situation. The confused look on his face was one not to be forgotten for a long time. 

As she raised her face to the sunshine, Usagi felt comforted by its rays. Then she thought of a new problem: if either of them ever confessed (never mind the fact that she was still thoroughly confused) and he said no, she would feel awkward in his company. Mamoru would know how she felt, and knowing him, he'd probably use that against her. 

Things would never be the same. Their casual bantering would be different, and she would miss that. 

So either way, she would lose. 

_********   
It's so complicated   
I'm so frustrated   
I wanna hold you close   
I wanna push you away   
I wanna make you go   
I wanna make you stay   
********_

Usagi didn't run into him on purpose in the mornings. Mamoru just happened to be there at the right time and in the right place. It was those moments that made her think he planned it all out intentionally. 

She didn't really mind having someone to crash into. At least it was someone she vaguely knew. Tripping into a complete stranger's lap was not exactly the easiest situation to explain away. And she expected some sort of retort or sarcastic remark from Mamoru anyway. An apology would certainly confuse her. 

The morning bickering fueled Usagi up until her second class of the day, and after that, her mind was out the window. Some days she imagined herself out in the field beyond the school fence, the silence her only companion. It was in this dream world that she often retreated to when nothing else motivated her. 

Then one day, a shadow appeared. It was a man, but she never saw any defining features to know if it was someone real. It didn't matter to her, anyway. This shadow man became the most important part of Usagi's dream world. He was always there, representing some part of her future. 

That was what she decided, since she never saw his face. 

She didn't tell her friends about this. They didn't know of this other side to Usagi; all her secret places and wishes. It wasn't that she couldn't tell them, but she had no desire to spill her secrets. They deserved to stay hidden, where no one could make fun of her for thinking such things. 

What if... what if she knew her mystery man in real life? 

What if... what if it was Mamoru? 

Usagi clapped a hand over her mouth, shocked that she would even think of such a ridiculous idea. Things like that didn't happen in real life. Not with her luck. 

_********   
Should I say it   
should I tell you how I feel   
Oh, I want you to know   
But then again I don't   
It's so complicated.   
********_

She **WANTED** to tell him. This feeling was becoming such a burden on her shoulders... 

He was bound to find out sooner or later anyway... but Usagi wanted the revelation to come directly from her, not from some gossip passed around the arcade. 

_'Note to self: never tell Minako about ANY of this.'_

Walking home from school, her gaze shifted to the arcade across the street, knowing full well that Mamoru was already there. Usagi glanced at her watch. _'2:48. If I went in now, I'd be early... just the sort of thing to throw the baka off guard.'_

She inhaled deeply several times, trying to work up the courage to go in. _'It's not like I'm facing death... it's only Mamoru.'_ Usagi chuckled. Facing Mamoru with a subject like this **WAS** like facing death. 

If he took her seriously, she would be elated. But if not, then things would go on being the same... wouldn't they? 

It was now or never. 

_********   
I hate it 'cause I've waited so long   
for someone like you   
Should I say it   
Should I tell you how I feel   
Oh I want you to know   
But then again I don't   
********_

The bells on the door tinkled as Usagi made her entrance. Sure enough, Mamoru was sitting on his customary stool, drinking his customary cup of coffee. 

_'What do I see in him? He never does anything interesting...'_

"Yo, Usagi-chan! You're early today!" Motoki called out, giving her a grin. "I'll have to change the clocks again if you make this a habit." 

She returned his smile, and at the same time caught Mamoru's eye, who had whirled around on his stool. He stared at her in disbelief, as if he was trying to convince himself that she really was indeed early. 

Resisting the urge to stick her tongue out at him, Usagi took the seat next to Mamoru, trying hard to ignore his piercing stare. The heat from her blush began creeping up her neck and slowly into her face. She prayed silently that neither he nor Motoki would take notice of her flushed appearance. Not like last time. 

His staring was getting to be a little too much for her liking. _'Might as well start something before I back out again...'_ Usagi poked Mamoru in the arm. He grunted. 

_'Oh, now **THAT'S** attractive...'_

She poked him again, this time MUCH harder -- equivalent to a slug in the arm. "Oy! What do you think you're doing, Odango Atama?" Usagi scowled, but let the moment pass. 

"I... I wanted... to tell you something, baka," she mumbled, the butterflies fluttering in full force again. _'No, not now! Please let me get through this without making a fool of myself!'_

bandoning his coffee cup, Mamoru turned to face the blonde girl, still rubbing his newly injured arm. That girl could pack a punch, even without the use of a shoe. He raised an eyebrow in speculation. "I think you've got my attention, Odango. Now what is so important?" 

Usagi swallowed the lump in her throat, unable to meet his gaze again. Those piercing blue eyes... he had no idea how much they affected her... 

He placed a hand beneath her chin, forcing her to look him in the eyes. The moment they made contact, Usagi felt a spark rush throughout her entire body. Was she just deceiving herself, or had he felt it too? 

"Usagi-chan...?" 

She gulped again, telling herself this was the moment, the only chance she would ever get. Meeting Mamoru's gaze again, Usagi forced herself to stay calm. "I... I wanted to tell you... tell you that I..." 

"Tell me what?" 

Tears sprung uncontrollably to her eyes. "That I... I... I can't. I'm sorry, Mamoru-san. I just can't." Usagi jumped off the stool and fled the arcade. 

_********   
It's so complicated.   
********_


End file.
